The title of this blog is a quote from the Old Testament. It reveals how God views a righteous woman. When God created the earth and made it beautiful and habitable, he placed Adam on it. He then said, “It is not good for man to be alone. We will create a helpmate {companion] for him”. He then created woman, the most beautiful of his creations. God’s plan was to have families as the place where his spirit children would be born in circumstances where a righteous man and woman would love them, protect them, care for them and teach them the commandments of God that are designed to bring happiness to them.
It was my privilege to marry a virtuous woman to experience what God expected. When I met my wife to be I was impressed by her poise, friendliness and respect her classmates seemed to have for her. I happened to be at a lake where her Senior Class was having their last activity together before separating for whatever was to come after high school. I had assumed the respect her classmates had for her came from her being popular in high school. As we began dating, I began to realize the real source of that respect. This girl was one who always took an interest in the things other people were doing. She was kind and helpful to everyone. She did not criticize others even when they were not present. She was always willing to give freely of her time to help and encourage those who had challenges. She was able to overlook the faults in others and see the good in them. She always had a positive attitude.
As we continued to date, I realized she was the person I wanted to marry. I had always been shy and awkward with few natural talents and struggled with schoolwork. She was brilliant, talented and had world class people skills. There is an old adage that says in love opposites often attract. For some reason that remains unknown to me she agreed to marriage. My life has been wonderful ever since she agreed to marry me. Our first year of marriage was spent in college and them I worked a year while she was finishing her senior year. We had to pay our own way through and we did not have any money beyond basic expenses. Had I known how wonderful being married to her was going to be I would have asked her to marry me when we met.
I have learned so much from her over the years. Her kindness and compassion for others has been my inspiration. I have observed how other people seem to light up when she enters a room. To have a conversation with her seems to be a highlight for some people. One of my cherished experiences with her happened when she was an English Teacher in Juvenile Prison. She had an aide who was a college graduate in English Education but could not pass the state teacher exams. She had taken them several times without success and became discouraged and gave up. My wonderful wife encouraged her to try again and offered to help her study what she needed to pass. They studied together either at our home or hers for hours and them she took part one of the teacher exam and she failed again. My very positive wife pointed out to her that she came within three points of passing and urged that they keep studying and finally she passed. They continued on and finally all parts of the teacher exam were passed. How many people do you know who would be willing to devote that much time to someone who is not a member of her family without any monetary reward? For her friend, she was able to start getting a teaches salary which meant a substantial salary increase to help her support her daughter. I could give many other examples but this one is an example of how far she will go to help others. My great blessing has been to have her as a mother and teacher to my children. Our five children are very good people who have inherited her traits or been taught by her to serve others and do.
One of the things I have learned over the years is that if you treat your wife well, she will likely treat you ever better. I have learned a wife needs her husband to tell her he loves her. I have heard men say they do not need to tell their spouse they love her because she already knows that. My answer to that is do you think Jesus knew his father in Heaven loved him? If God felt a need to proclaim that “this is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased”, is there a message here for what we need to say to our spouse. If you tell your wife you love her I do not think she will ever say, “I get so tired of hearing that.”
My other advice for adding ingredients to a happy marriage is to have a “date” with your wife. Even if you do not have the funds you can walk together in a park for free but spend time talking to her as you walk. Take an interest in what your spouse is doing. I had a friend who was a farm worker complaining he came in for dinner and his wife wanted to talk and he was tired. I pointed out to my friend that his wife was home with their small children all day and she needed adult conversation. My advice to him was he needed to listen to her talk because she probably needed that more than he needed quiet. As a quiet person I stumbled on the perfect solution in my home. My wife is a person who loves talking to others while I am the introvert. When I came in from work and we sat down to eat I would ask her what was the best thing that happened to her that day. That got her talking and me listening. I never asked her how her day went because I wanted her to think only about the positive things that happened that day. It was a great bonding experience as I learned about all the things that excited her. If you do the things I experienced I do not think any negative results will come from it.
This is an opinion blog for Conservatives and People of Faith.