Karl Marx Returns from the Dead

My name is Frank Reporter. I am very frank. That being said you know you can trust what I tell you because I have always been very Frank. Five years ago I was elected President of the Main Stream Journalists Association. The term in office is four years and last year I was thrilled to be elected to another four year term. Our charter charged us with the responsibility of suppressing any news misinformation from being disseminated to the public.

What we have learned in the first four years of our existence is that nearly all of our member journalists detested Capitalism and were sympathetic to the theories of Karl Marx. Since then we have changed our charter to reflect the desires of our members and now are actively promoting Marxism and are attempting to suppress misinformation on Marxism from any source. We have made many alliances with like minded organizations such as the Democrat party, Teachers Unions, College Administrators Organizations, College professors organizations, Black Lives Matter, Antifa, Main Stream Media, Hollywood, Businesses that make money selling to China or importing goods from China, nonprofits that help the poor and Green Earth Supporters. The alliances are not written agreements but rather informal agreements to consult together on the best ways to advance Marxism and to combat those who are using misinformation to discredit Marxism.

Some of this country’s greatest enemies spreading misinformation that harm Marxism are white people, also known as racists and white supremacists, married couples, straight people, Republicans, anyone whose ancestors owned slaves, Christians, Jews, Muslims, small business owners, Fox News, One American News and people who have worked hard and accumulated wealth. These people must be removed from our society or re-educated. We are excited about some of the things that we hope to accomplish in the coming years.

Something amazing has happened recently. As you know we Marxists do not believe in life after death. It is one and done when you are born. Somehow under some strange phenomenon Karl Marx was able to come back from the dead, or maybe he never died, and I was able to interview him and also answer some of the questions he wanted answers to. I recorded our conversation and am printing portions of it.

Frank: Mr. Marx does it surprise you that one billion of the world’s inhabitants are living in what we call Marxist’s countries?

Karl: what really surprises me is that the whole world is not living in the utopia I envisioned. Why has this not happened?

Frank: some of the countries in the world, such as the United States, learned how to accumulate wealth by enslaving others, Once the haves became addicted to wealth they selfishly suppressed the have nots by accumulating wealth and used law enforcement, the military and the courts to keep the oppressed in their place.

Karl: What is life like for those who live in a Marxist Country?

Frank: It is wonderful. The Great Leaders in these countries love the people and the people love them. They have stopped the stealing of the haves from the have nots. All the people own everything in common so there are no poor among them. As evidence that the people love their leaders, no leader has ever been voted out of office.

Karl: That sounds wonderful. What is being done to redeem the people still living under the evils of Capitalism?

Frank: Many people consider you the most brilliant man who ever lived for your understanding of oppression of the masses. You gave us a roadmap to follow in developing a utopian society. Some of your followers after receiving inspiration from you have found ways to improve on the revolution you began. In China those who oppose your utopia are sent to re-education camps where they stay until they are converted. It is rare to have to execute someone who does not become converted. In the United States those who oppress or offend racial minorities or sexual minorities are often sentenced by judges in courts to attend re-education classes instead of life imprisonment.

In Capitalist Countries it works better to divide people by race rather than income. And here is the best news of all. Revolution with guns will no longer be necessary to over throw Capitalism. Our people have infiltrated every institution in the United States from schools teaching K thru 12 through college. Your theories are taught and encouraged in the schools. After 16 years of being taught the utopian theories of Marxism the students know no other philosophy and become true believers and demand a Marxist Government. Our success has been beyond our fondest dreams in education. Surveys have indicated that most of the younger generation is favorable towards Marxism. And we in the news media are doing our part to suppress any ideas that conflict with your teachings. There is still much work to do but our friends and colleagues in China have shown us what is possible.

Karl: You have given me some wonderful news. Now I can go back to my grave and sleep in peace.

Disclaimer: Karl Marx did not actually come back from the dead.  This interview was symbolic. If it caused you stress wondering if there is life after death we are not responsible for paying for your psychiatric sessions. We are also not responsible for paying your medical bills if you hurt yourself after reading this blog. This is an opinion blog for conservatives and people of faith.