The President was alarmed that cocaine has been found in the White House. The president has repeatedly reminded us that his administration is the most honest and open administration in history. That being the case he issued an executive order requiring an immediate investigation of how the cocaine got into the white house. He said since his administration is so open that even Maga Republicans have access to the White House. He pointed out how Donald Trump, working with the Russians, had manufactured a laptop filled with fraudulent information claiming it belonged to his son, severely damaging his son’s impeccable reputation, The President suspects Maga Republicans are up to mischief again. He has assigned Du Wee Cheat to be the lead investigator for the Secret Service.
We contacted Tellmore Lies a White House Press Officer for additional information. Mr. Lies said the information he had indicated the cocaine was found with a monogramed bag with the initials DJT on it. A butler in the White House during the Trump Administration told him in confidence that Trump’s wife had given him the bag to put his meds in. They often found it in various locations in the white House and returned it to a desk in Trumps bedroom whenever it was found. It was often found open and it had a white powdery substance that looked like cocaine in it. He also said that Trump kept a large bottle of Viagra in it along with a number of other male enhancing drugs. He also said it was widely whispered among staff at the white house that Trump was struggling with impotency. He suggested that these things might account for the erratic and sometimes puzzling behavior of Trump when he was in the white house. According to him it suggests that Trump may have had addiction problems that effected his ability to think rationally. He said his use of male enhancing drugs also implies other issues such as personality disorders caused by feelings of inferiority.
The Forum contacted contacted Dr. I. M. Unbalanced, a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard University, for his comments on how impotency affects personality disorders in men. He said men often are under great stress when they become impotent. They feel shame and try to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy, often buying an inexpensive automobile with an powerful engine. Being behind the wheel in a vehicle with a powerful engine seems to give them some compensation for the useless and inadequate feelings men often have from being impotent. Other well studied behaviors in impotent men is a combative, rude and hostile towards towards others. This gives them a feeling of power to compensate for their feeling of uselessness.
He emphasized that Trump is not a patient at the Harvard Medical School so he does not know if the rumor about him being impotent is true but he said some of his behavior patterns are the same as men who have low esteem when they are suffering from impotence. He thinks because of Trump’s incorrect political beliefs, which are often a sign of mental issues, and physical issues he could greatly benefit from treatment at the Harvard Medical School.
The Forum reached out to a spokeswoman for the Secret Service for a report on the progress of the investigation. She goes by the name of Trump Destroyer. Ms. Destroyer said, when we asked about the rumors that the drugs were found in a bag with the initials DJT on it, that she could neither deny or verify the information was true. We asked if the other rumors that people are repeating that Trump’s DNA was found on the bag are accurate and she said she could not comment on that. We then asked if the investigation shows that Trump is guilty of impotence. She said those accusations are being looked at and if proven true it will be revealed to the American Public since they have a right to know. She emphasized that the investigation is on going and some serious claims of wrong doing are involved other then impotence, including possession of cocaine. She said although possession of cocaine is a misdemeanor in Washington, D.C. if Trump was using cocaine while in office serious charges concerning national security could be made elevating them to felonies.
Ms. Destroyer said that in our society of the rule of law, since we are dealing with Donald Trump he is considered guilty until proven other wise. When we asked about bias against Donald Trump she hung up.
This is a opinion blog, and sometimes satire, for Conservatives and People of Faith.